Five years ago I still had a father, I still rather believed in heaven and hell, I still believed naively that there are people who are just good and that these people would be the ones who changed the world, and I still had never ever touched even the idea of yoga, meditation or vegetarianism. Obviously a lot have changed in five years.
For the most part during those five years I have been away from home, so it was easy for me to explore this new identity I was trying to form of myself. Having a clean apartment to fill every now and then sure as hell made it easier to re-invent myself, although I have always thought of it more of a self-discovery rather than an invention.
Of course I know I am no where near understanding life as I was five years ago but at least for now I have come to a conclusion that finding meaning in life is definitely something I will be striving for. Or at least I think that is what I decided 5 minutes ago, a young mind does change easily after all.
The world has not waited for me to settle on who I am though, in the mean time the world moved on.
As I have returned home to Indonesia after a five year exclusive journey in the new world of self discovery, I found myself back in my old room with ornaments of past memories hanging at every inch of the room, reminding myself desperately of who I was before or the things I have left behind. Due to mostly recklessness and mindlessness, my old room is now exploding with things I have accumulated over the course of my young 26 years of life. Everything squeezed into a 4 x 3 square meter space.
The room unsettles me, not simply because it reminded me about the past -which it does in so many ways-, but because it makes me wonder if there is space in it to be who I am now, or rather to be who I always was. You see as much as the room reminded me of the love and care of my family and friends, it also reminded me of all the things I never was and no longer am. This juggling of trying to find balance between the old and new me has been a battle ground on and on itself.
After five years of this shaky journey now I have come to a conclusion that I must declutter.
I most sort out my life in a way that I can make space of what I want to be. I need to give myself breathing space. I will sort out my life starting from my room. Toss away the things that have no added value to who I am now.
I declare myself as an aspiring minimalist, and the journey of decluttering will start now.