my decision to stay

I have no idea why I am staying. it probably is simply because I'm too lazy to run away. but I hope that my reasons are deeper than that. I could say proudly that I have not run  away, that this Crisis has not gotten to my nerves -but then I would be lying-. It has gotten to my nerves, and as I went to the supermarket yesterday I panicked a little when the things I wanted to buy for emergency supplies were not there, I panicked when stocks have gone out, and I panicked a little when I saw writings in kanji saying what I think means a restrictions for one to buy some products -meaning that someone can only buy 6 cans of canned food for instance-.

I also panic because every time I pass some Japanese people who are talking to each other I hear the word 心配　(Shinpai) which means worried, and it makes me 心配． I wish I understood the language well enough to know that when they say shinpai, they were talking about the weather which is very cold these days. or probably they are shinpai because they have their exams results or simply find anything in that conversation that can reassure me that the Japanese Shinpai does not concern any of what is happening in Fukushima. I wish I could be sure.

The fact that my two room mates are positively running away from japan next week doesnt really help either. 50% of the foreign population in my University has left the vicinity. Even if they hadn't run back home to their country, they might have run to Osaka -a city most consider to be safest in these times-.

In this level of uncertainty, the easiest way would be to fly home. To run away from everything and leave everything behind. but I am not done here yet. My gut is telling me to stay. I hope that I wont regret this decision.

I remember a friend of mine, who said to me once, when I told him that I am always amazed on how people can handle a crisis, how they can always stay strong, when they just lost everything they had -which is the case after what happened in the Tohoku region- but they can stay strong, he said to me," You always think you could never get through it if the same thing would to happen to you, but when the time of crisis comes, you see that people are always strong."

I hope that everyone in Japan can keep strong and level headed. I hope I can be strong and level headed.

May the force be with all of us.