Senin, 07 Januari 2013

Playing with snow

     I woke up rolling in my bed that morning resisting to get out of bed-it was only 5 am- too early for anything, yet I had to wake up. One of my best friends here in Japan, Stephanie, had invited me to go skiing with her lab friend, I love Stephanie so of course I said yes, on top of that my former ski experience was great, so I was pretty excited to relive those great skiing moments I had before.

     So I took my bag and went out from my apartment at around 5.30 AM, it was gonna be a well deserved break I thought. I've been in Japan only since October and I've already felt so many incredible things, I expected to be less impressed by this weird country, for this is not my first visit, but I can be proven wrong and pleasantly so. Tokyo is one of my favorite cities in the world, the energy around here is mesmerizing for a girl like me. But the best part is where I am studying. I feel privileged to the bones to be able to sit in classes with those brilliant kids in Tokyo University. All of them bringing within the a spark of ambition, confidence and dreams that is just contagious. The teachers are not less impressive if not even better, they encourage dreams and they have this ability to drive you to dream bigger, to empower you. So in short I've been happy, but my body is worn out by excitement. I needed a break.

     I met Stephanie and her friend in Shinjuku at 7.30 that Morning. to be honest I had no idea where we were going, they could have taken us to China and I wouldn't know. My ignorance surprises me. I say China because the whole thing was a totally weird and interesting experience for me. It turns out that me and Stephanie were gonna join a group of around 200 Chinese students residents of Tokyo to go Skiing. So once we stepped into the bus we weren't in Japan anymore, we were in China.

     The bus ride was 5 hours long, and eventually we began seeing a scenery I knew all to well. Hills and houses covered by snow, seemingly dead trees, snow falling--- a winter wonderland you may say. While my eyes saw all this, I could feel something change inside of me. As it did 2 years before, snow had brought out the gloomy in me. I could feel the gloomy push out to the surface.

     We still had 2 hours to ski, so we put our bags in the hotel and we took our skiing gear from the basement. Nobody however seemed very excited. I've signed up for the training course and regretted it, all I wanted was to go up the hill and do some real skiing. so when I saw two of my new Chinese friend slip out of the class to take that hanger train ride to the top, I immediately went with them.

     When we were sitting on that hanging train ride that would take us to the hills, it was like magic. All the noises went out, and all that was left was you and snow. I just couldn't believe how beautiful it was, and I was swept into silence and remembrance of those men that left me.

     One of my fathers favorite poem was a poem by Robert Frost ,"Stopping by Woods on a Snowy evening". Throughout my upbringing he would quote the final verse of that poem to me as an encouragement,

"The woods are lovely, dark and deep.   
But I have promises to keep,   
And miles to go before I sleep,   
And miles to go before I sleep."

      these were supposed to be words that reminded me of my responsibility, to restrain from worldly things and remember what is important. I sniffed at that concept, really Papa,  

     What is important? 

     These questions may have no answers Papa, and you were just as ignorant of this as the rest of us. I've been lost in these woods and marveled at the beauty blessed upon me and I have loved Papa and I have lost my love. With time many things have changed and for the most part the biggest change was You leaving me, and all this I remember upon gazing at those hills of snow in the middle of nowhere. I remembered You. 

     At that time I was skiing, gripped with a certain amount of uncomfortable sadness I wanted to loose. Skiing felt good, I had control and the more speed I gained the more I felt exhilarated and I forgot for a moment. Then suddenly it happened, I really had no idea how, but I twirled and fell, and I could feel my arm somehow dislocated. I was laying face-down on the snow and I couldn't move my arm. 

     All I did was scream and pray that God will have mercy. 

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